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How to Be an Adult: A Handbook for Psychological and Spiritual Integration Paperback – January 1, 1991

by David Richo (Author)

4.6 1,074 ratings

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Psychological and spiritual adulthood does not come automatically with age. It requires ongoing and ardent work on ourselves. It involves articulating our own truth and acting in accord with its challenges.

In this best-selling work, David Richo provides a hand-book for achieving psychological and spiritual health. Based on his many years' experience as a psychotherapist and workshop leader, the author uses the metaphor of the heroic journey, whose three phases―departure, struggle, and return―explain what happens in us as we evolve from neurotic ego through healthy ego to the spiritual self. First, he discusses the three challenges to adulthood: fear, anger, and guilt, as well as the self-esteem that comes from meeting those challenges. Then he discusses the dual problem of maintaining personal boundaries and establishing appropriate intimacy. Finally, he discusses the techniques of integration and the return to wholeness and love.

How to Be an Adult is a thoughtful, accessible guide filled with useful quotations and reflections for meditation, as well as other techniques and concrete advice on the process of growth. The new appendix provides readers with practical ways to show integrity and loving-kindness.

David Richo, PhD, is a psychotherapist, teacher, and retreat leader in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. He is the author of many books and emphasizes spiritual perspectives in all his work. His website is www.davericho.com.
†

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From Library Journal

Richo uses the metaphor of the heroic journey to describe the process toward psychological and spiritual maturity. First he discusses "personal work" and the three challenges to adulthood: fear, anger, and guilt, as well as the self-esteem that comes from meeting those challenges. Then he discusses relationships and the dual problem of maintaining personal boundaries and establishing appropriate intimacy. Finally, he discusses the techniques of integration: flexibility, befriending the shadow, using dreams, and developing spirituality through openness to the self and unconditional love. This guide contains useful quotations, summary reflections, and affirmations, as well as other techniques that give concrete advice on the process of growth. Recommended for seminary and public libraries.
Copyright 1991 Reed Business Information, Inc.

About the Author

David Richo is a psychotherapist in private practice in Santa Barbara, CA. He earned his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Sierra University in Santa Monica. Dr. Richo has been a teacher at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur. He has also written When Love Meets Fear (Paulist Press).

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0809132230
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Paulist Press; a edition (January 1, 1991)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 122 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780809132232
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0809132232
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 5.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.25 x 0.5 x 7.75 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #36,949 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #22 in Popular Developmental Psychology
- #518 in Christian Self Help
- #997 in Personal Transformation Self-Help

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4.6 1,074 ratings

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David Richo

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David Richo, PhD, is a therapist and author who leads popular workshops on personal and spiritual growth.

He received his BA in psychology from Saint John's Seminary in Brighton, Massachusetts, in 1962, his MA in counseling psychology from Fairfield University in 1969, and his PhD in clinical psychology from Sierra University in 1984. Since 1976, Richo has been a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor in California. In addition to practicing psychotherapy, Richo teaches courses at Santa Barbara City College and the University of California Berkeley at Berkeley, and has taught at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Pacifica Graduate Institute, and Santa Barbara Graduate Institute. He is a clinical supervisor for the Community Counseling Center in Santa Barbara, California.

Known for drawing on Buddhism, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work, Richo is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving and The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find in Embracing Them. He has also written When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships, Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side, The Power of Coincidence: How Life Shows Us What We Need to Know, and Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth.

Richo lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco.

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Customers say

Customers find the book well-written and informative. They appreciate the insights, compassion, and guidance it provides for recovering from childhood issues. The book makes them think about life and adulting in a meaningful way. It offers straightforward advice and practical steps for moving forward. Readers describe it as a must-have for anyone from age 16 and up, with key insights into children's needs.

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112 customers mention "Readability"99 positive13 negative

Customers find the book well-written and informative. They appreciate the clear and concise writing style without being overly simplistic. While some readers found the opinions expressed in the book to be extreme, they enjoyed the perspective and found the ideas presented in a clear manner.

"Excellent Book. Very informative and helpful. This was an easy read with a lot of good information and helpful to me and others in my practice...." Read more

"...the book slowly, perhaps a paragraph at a time, because every sentence holds so much meaning...." Read more

"...The main thing I love about this book is it's density, it is not diluted with "filler", everything int he book is profoundly useful, well-organized,..." Read more

"First of all, short book and fast reading. I enjoyed the authors perspective, but there were a few passages in the book that I had questions about...." Read more

73 customers mention "Insight"70 positive3 negative

Customers find the book provides insight and compassion for recovering. They say it helps them figure out issues from not having a good childhood. The book has helped them grow as a person, with its focus on psychological and spiritual integration. Readers appreciate the author's use of Jungian psychology and pithy truths about life.

"Excellent Book. Very informative and helpful. This was an easy read with a lot of good information and helpful to me and others in my practice...." Read more

"...really, but I still think Richo has managed to put an incredible amount of solid information into this book...." Read more

"...that the book stays focused on its thesis - psychological and spiritual integration; the author has not - as waaaay too many authors do - used the..." Read more

"...Unfortunately, no one to ask. This book brings an insight into our relationships with others and our expectations of others." Read more

30 customers mention "Emotional depth"30 positive0 negative

Customers find the book engaging and insightful. They say it provides honest counseling advice in a straightforward way that gets to the heart of adult issues. Readers describe it as a guide for living authentically in life and love, with wise words on acceptance. It's described as a reference book for a balanced adult life and spiritually grounded guide for personal growth.

"...as to be a cold textbook; the content is presented in a warm, compassionate and human voice...." Read more

"...David Richo has provided me the most insight, compassion and guidance for recovering from the trauma of growing up in an abusive home...." Read more

"...Richo gives excellent advice for being a settled, well-adjusted adult...." Read more

"...tremendous contribution to a saner, far less stressful and more compassionate existence for those who integrate this information into their lives!" Read more

9 customers mention "Ease of implementation"9 positive0 negative

Customers find the book straightforward with doable steps to move forward. They appreciate the sources and methods for working through them appropriately.

"...Not a lot of psychobabble here - just actionable steps to live in the moment with grace and clarity...." Read more

"...aptly describes feelings, their sources and the methods for working through them appropriately. I see this as a reference book I will keep for years...." Read more

"...manner, as the author states at the outset, and is extremely straightforward in approach. Wish I had had a copy of this when I was 18!..." Read more

"This book offered honest counseling advice in a simple, straightforward way...." Read more

4 customers mention "Age range"4 positive0 negative

Customers find the book useful for adults, especially those over age 16. They say it provides key insights into children's needs and how to meet them.

"This is a book for adults, be they young, middlin', or old and all effed up...." Read more

"A MUST HAVE for everyone from age 16 and up! Some adults never grow up or heal their traumas...." Read more

"Great little book with key insights into needs of children, unmet needs, meeting those needs as an adult, and stepping into the adult reality...." Read more

"Great book for those adults that lack direction and know how in growing up." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

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Robert
Excellent Book. Very informative and helpful.
Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2025
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Excellent Book. Very informative and helpful. This was an easy read with a lot of good information and helpful to me and others in my practice. Well written and writer stayed on subject.

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Beantown
Packed with important information for mature living
Reviewed in the United States on February 21, 2014
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I am a young adult who bought this book on the recommendation of an educator's blog post about attachment styles.

Some of the content may be familiar to you if you have been perusing other self-help materials, or if you have more experience with life, really, but I still think Richo has managed to put an incredible amount of solid information into this book. Certainly he managed to convey in under 50 pages some of the lessons it took me the longest to learn over the past few years. In the preface he recommends going through the book slowly, perhaps a paragraph at a time, because every sentence holds so much meaning. I thought this was a pretentious statement to make; I was wrong. This is indeed an incredibly dense book, in that almost every sentence conveys a new concept.

Note that this, like virtually all the self-help (or really, psychology in general) books out there, was written based on an individualistic tradition of thought; members the non-Western world will have to continue their struggle to balance collectivism with individual desires and needs.

My interest in these books started when an important relationship went nuclear; however, this book mostly focuses on the self -there is a little bit about relationships, but not much - I hear the same author has written an entire follow-up volume dedicated to relationships and you may find more specific advice there.

Do not be put off by the 'spiritual' in the title of this book. There is some typical blaming of everything on childhood traumas from terrible parents (why do all these books assume we had terrible parents?) but what little New Agey stuff there is can be easily reinterpreted in a more rational way. Trust me on this one - I am a hard atheist with little tolerance for aimless psychobabble, and this book had a far better signal-to-noise ratio than others that claim to be for rationalists like me (Brene Brown, I'm looking at you).

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39 people found this helpful

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Drew
Absolutely Wonderful
Reviewed in the United States on November 30, 2010
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This book is incredible!

The main thing I love about this book is it's density, it is not diluted with "filler", everything int he book is profoundly useful, well-organized, and well-developed. I really appreciate that the book stays focused on its thesis - psychological and spiritual integration; the author has not - as waaaay too many authors do - used the book as a spotlight to show off himself, his gimmicks or as some self-promotional ad. Even better, the book is not so devoid of the author's style as to be a cold textbook; the content is presented in a warm, compassionate and human voice. In this sense, it seems the author has achieved a perfect balance. I believe every non-fiction book should be this concise, precise, and human.

Another amazing thing about this book is it's layout. It is very easy to go back and find the section you want to review because the book is organized just that well. He inserts useful quotes along the way, and at very appropriate sections.

After reading only the first 20 pages, I was in love, I've ordered about seven more copies and given them to my like-minded friends.

One thing that bothers me a little, which has nothing to do with this book in particular, but has everything to do with useful advice in general, is that those who could benefit from it most probably are not open enough to hear it. To be interested in reading this book, I figure you're pretty open-minded and on the right track already. Those who are furthest from the type of adulthood taught in this book probably can't get past the title. Perhaps their ego is too afraid of to admit to needing to be taught "how to be an adult".

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31 people found this helpful

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Heide Kropp Riess
Good read
Reviewed in the United States on November 17, 2024
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Gave me some new outlook on things

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Renee
Recommended reading
Reviewed in the United States on April 16, 2021
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First of all, short book and fast reading. I enjoyed the authors perspective, but there were a few passages in the book that I had questions about. Unfortunately, no one to ask. This book brings an insight into our relationships with others and our expectations of others.

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2 people found this helpful

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Hope628
Excellent, one of the best self help books!!!
Reviewed in the United States on August 10, 2014
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On my road to recovering from a childhood in which I grew up with an alcoholic mother (and who, during my own therapy, found out most likely has borderline personality disorder), I have read many self - help books. While on an Adult Child of Alcoholic blog site, I noted someone highly recommended this author. I must agree with this person's recommendation. David Richo has provided me the most insight, compassion and guidance for recovering from the trauma of growing up in an abusive home. I always felt I was on the outside of the world looking in, suppressing my feelings, and afraid to experience spontaneous joyful moments. Low self esteem interfered with my developing friendships. This book is deep, spiritual, insightful, comforting, validating and full of "ah-ha moments". Most self help books don't cover all the aspects of ones "self", or describe how the healing process is a journey, which requires psychological and spiritual self work. He gives clear guidance to do so. I have also read his book, Daring to Trust, which is excellent. I highly recommend that book as well, as he talks about learning to trust yourself, others, reality and your Higher Power. I will continue to read, and re-read his works. His writing is very deep and needs to be digested slowly. It is packed with insight and on reading it a second time, I am seeing things I didn't the first time. I am so grateful to this author for his work in this and his other books.

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12 people found this helpful

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Cheff Jeff
A slow but informative read
Reviewed in the United States on June 23, 2024
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This book reads like it was written for a graduate level university class. A fair bit of top shelf vocabulary and much of it is rather dense so not a quick read. It’s an older book so many of the concepts have become more common, but this presents them in a clear manner with excellent background and examples.

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3 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer
Perfect
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 5, 2024
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Excellent service, no complaints

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Amazon Customer
Good book
Reviewed in Canada on December 6, 2019
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Gotta read the book many times before the info kicks in if you've had a rough life

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Cliente Amazon
Yes, yes, yes
Reviewed in Spain on September 21, 2017
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As many others said, this is an absolutely great book! It is condensed and probably not something you'd like to read in one go. It is a book to read little by little and assimilate along the way. This book makes you fall in love with your own personal development process.

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Mark Slater
Flowery language
Reviewed in Japan on November 10, 2023
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So far my studies of Jungian analytical psychology have led me to see it as an optimism akin to religious fervour, something I have experienced, but ultimately doesn't answer the truly difficult questions about life, but just prescribes a way to approach it that may happen to work for you.

This book doesn't go deep enough, and doesn't explain well enough.

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Kimberly
Good book
Reviewed in Singapore on February 2, 2023
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Fast delivery and a book worth reading.

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Top reviews from the United States

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5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book. Very informative and helpful.

5.0 out of 5 stars Packed with important information for mature living

5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely Wonderful

5.0 out of 5 stars Good read

4.0 out of 5 stars Recommended reading

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, one of the best self help books!!!

5.0 out of 5 stars A slow but informative read

Top reviews from other countries

5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect

5.0 out of 5 stars Good book

5.0 out of 5 stars Yes, yes, yes

1.0 out of 5 stars Flowery language

5.0 out of 5 stars Good book

Excellent Book. Very informative and helpful.

Packed with important information for mature living

Absolutely Wonderful

Good read

Recommended reading

Excellent, one of the best self help books!!!

A slow but informative read

Perfect

Good book

Yes, yes, yes

Flowery language

Good book